Lady Gaga. I am fascinated, intimidated, grossed out by, and a little in awe of this woman. I do not understand the meat dress. I totally love the bubble dress. I like that she is an actual musician. I do not like that she has that fab body because of eating disorders. But all of that aside, what I'm here to discuss today is the song Alejandro. I just don't get what's going on here. Who the f**k is Alejandro? And if he's important enough to have an entire song about how irresistible he is, why does she also mention some other dudes (Roberto and Fernando?) Is she having a 4-way? Or trying not to have a 4-way? I'm confused. And the chorus. What's up with that? She just says his name over and over and calls it a day. Was she suffering from writers block while penning this little snippet of Americana? And the video does absolutely nothing to clear any of this up. I mean, we get it, you like to prance around in funky costumes (or your underwear) and fancy lighting while topless men dance-fight (or simulate raping you) for your enjoyment (don't we all?) But what the hell does that have to do with the damn song, woman?!? Eating a rosary? Now that makes sense.
Seriously, help. Somebody please figure this one out for me. In the meantime I'm going to go develop an eating disorder of my own. Why should she get to have all the fun?